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These are not Fairy Tales! Alternative Books for Children

Fed up with reading how the fluffy little bunny goes to sleep or where cute puppies play in the garden surrounded by flowers and all things wholesome? Well, if alternative comedy and hilarious illustrations are your thing, then take a step over to the dark side with our choice of decidedly different stories for your children. No longer are mummies warm and everyone loves each other, now for your delectation and delight, sample some adult humour that will resonate and make you laugh out loud as you dare to read these books to your little darlings. Maybe not the last one on our list though, that’s strictly for maturer ears!

That’s Not Your Mommy Anymore: A Zombie Tale by Matt Mogk, concentrates on a once loving mother who unfortunately has, through no fault of her own, become a zombie. Mommy was a normal human but now she prefers eating fresh brain casserole and the book warns our youngest readers how to watch out for the all telling signs of a zombie take over. Well these kids need to learn! I loved the dedication on the first page which reads ‘To my Great Aunt Marion, I miss you a ton but I hope you never come back’. Says it all really.

All My Friends Are Dead by Avery Monsen teaches children about the one true rule in life, that everything dies. I mean, if you’re a dinosaur, all of your friends are dead. If you’re a pirate, all of your friends have scurvy. If you’re a tree, all of your friends are end tables, and so on. Yes it’s a dark subject but wouldn’t you rather your children learn what to expect through cute cartoon characters at an early age than when a favoured pet dies!? Your work is done here.

Monsters Eat Whiny Children by Bruce Eric Kaplan could be a lesson to us all. The story revolves around Henry and Eve who are “going through a terrible phase”. With their constant whining they are eventually stolen by a monster and taken to his lair. In all fairness, their dad did warn them. Luckily for them the monsters whine more than they do and they manage to escape. Now your kids can stop whining or obviously the monsters will get them!

Go The F**k To Sleep by Adam Mansbach is definitely a book not to be read to children but you may wish to give it as a gift to new parents who are having problems getting their little ones off to bed. This laugh out loud book will resonate with every mum and dad who has ever suffered one of the greatest frustrations everyone faces in the first few years as a parent — putting their child to sleep. Great snappy little ditties and funny illustrations will have you tearing up as you remember the trials of getting your own kids to bed.

All books available from www.amazon.co.uk

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